I start every morning off with my devotional. I’ve been successfully using YouVersion on my phone and and just doing different reading plans every 5-7 days.
Right now I’m in the middle of “Mama Needs a Do-Over” by Lisa Pennington and David C. Cook, and it’s my favorite devotional so far. I really strive to be the most patient, calm, playful, attentive momma to my precious kids, but I seem to fail every day. I love them so much, but sometimes…
So this particular reading today not only spoke to me, but shot right down to my core. It was one of those things that you read and KNOW it was written just for you.
“Every time our expectations get derailed, we have a choice. To move forward with joy or to go into a fuss and get mad. We can fight what God wants us to learn from the changes, or we can give over to a peace that, not to be cliche, passes understanding. We can be controlled by our immediate reaction, or we can stop and give it thought and purpose.
When you are trying so hard to stop yourself from lashing out in anger toward your child, where does your strength come from? That boiling, steaming, seemingly irresistible rage that explodes and then makes us blame our child…it is the opposite of joy!
At some point, you will have to accept that you are choosing how you respond in the struggle. This is about choosing joy when things get hard — when your child gets bullied or your bank account is empty or your husband locks your children out of the house. It is not an easy prospect. But God promises that it is possible.”
I’m not proud to admit it, but I have struggled with anger issues my entire life. I had made some real progress before having kids, but this second one has really made it more difficult. Every single day I wake up and ask for patience and understand so that I can be the momma I am meant to be. And almost every single day that patience has left the building before lunch.
But I know how important it is to extinguish that fire inside. I am not meant to be that person, and I will continue to fight and ask for the strength that only God can provide to mold me into the momma these babes deserve. I want every day to be filled with joy so that my children grow up to pass on joy to the the world around them.